Looking for Whole

Cedar Pond Farms

Cedar Pond Farms

My family has blossomed into one of entrepreneurs. Cheryl and I started Always Yours Occasions together and my sister, Christina, is in the building stage of launching her own business. You can imagine we have many talks together about smart business strategies and what is important to us in our businesses and as a family. We also share hopes and dreams for the future.

Christina said something to me the other day, that I want to pass along. It’s become a strong consideration for the two of us as singles. That being acknowledged, I should also say this post will be something a little unusual for a wedding planner to post. I think it’s important to cover topics like this one, though, because so few people do.

A wedding ceremony is beautiful. It’s a celebration about the union of a man and woman in one of the most amazing covenants two people can make with each other. However, we can’t become so focused on the day and all of the many details, that life together as a couple is overlooked.

This is the quote I want to share with you, “I’m not looking for a perfect family (in regards to potential in-laws). I’m looking for whole.” This applies to a future spouse as well. My sister and I have come to realize that there will never be a perfect family nor a perfect husband. This is, after all, an imperfect world. However, it is possible to find people who are, in the main, whole. What is the difference between perfect and whole? I’m sure someone could write a dissertation about that. Simply described though, perfect people never make a mistake, never hurt someone they love, and always act in love. Whole people know their identity, know their purpose, and have learned the art of forgiveness while loving wisely. They don’t require another person to feel needed or important, or to prop them up. While all of us need encouragement, accepting who one is, complete with one’s quirks, strengths, and faults, allows for a soul wellness and overall well-being. There is peace and inner striving has ceased.

As people, we often want to “fix” others, but this tends to backfire most of the time. So, when it comes time to marry, riding solely on the emotions of the moment can lead to hurt and heartache, especially when underlying doubts or problems are ignored. Don’t marry someone hoping to change him or her or change the new family you’re getting. Go into marriage with your eyes wide open to the soul condition of the person you are marrying and his or her family. Count the cost because marriage, while incredible, is not easy. Like anything worth doing and doing well, it can be hard. Two people who are not whole themselves, cannot make a whole couple. Where there are issues going on, it may be better to wait until they are resolved and not brought into marriage causing a rift in relationship. In many cases, these stressors can be overcome in premarital counseling. When a couple is married they become their own family unit, yet they are also now part of two extended families. My sister says, “Part of being a family is knowing there are issues, hashing them out, and still being an amazing team.” Are you in a position to be a team as a couple and as part of an extended family? While there may be some instances close family ties may not be possible or may need to be worked on, soul well-being and wholeness will be among the values my sister and I will keep in mind, both for our life as a single and in the future.

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